Pre and Post baby boy musings

December 8, 2013

I have one month left until baby boy arrives. His impending birth is much different than Kate's was. I have no major lifestyle change to figure out. I am not quitting any job or wondering what on earth childbirth is like. But there are a few differences this time that really have my brain gears turning- always in the wee hours of the morning. (Somehow I only need 5 hours of sleep anymore?) One is how this will change Kate's life. And secretly- how this will change Kate and I's life. Nobody knows how much I love holding her hand walking through parking lots. My adorable little best friend who knows me so well. We have our routine so down pat that I know BOTH of us are going to struggle with baby coming in and taking over.

May 19, 2014

I just found this draft from before Jack was born. Much has happened since then. Jack was born January 8. It was quite the experience. I laughed when I read that I didn't have to wonder what childbirth was like. HA! Jack's labor (such a different beast than my labor with Kate!) happened so fast and so intensely that Zach delivered that little baby by our front door. More on that later. 

I have a smile now reading about my fears of Jack disrupting Kate and I's life. I  don't know where to start. He has in such a beautiful way. Kate now has to learn patience and independence. I could never have taught her those things so well, because now she learns them out of love for her brother. She is learning to put other's needs before her own. She is learning to care for a person smaller and more helpless than her.She is learning to share not just toys but her parents- much harder than sharing her stuff. She has learned the durability of our love for her. She is learning that our focus on him does not diminish our love for her. HOW could she have learned these things at such a tender age without a sibling? I had limited vision, as I thought bringing her a brother would make her feel neglected and that I wouldn't have as much time to teach her valuable life lessons. This was a classic "My ways are not your ways" situation. I read a quote once that the best thing you can do for your child is give them a sibling. I see more clearly now why that is true. And confession- I was scared I wouldn't love him as much as Kate. Her place in my heart has not (AND WILL NEVER!) budge one tiny bit out of the way to make room for someone else. My heart just grew bigger so Jack has a nice roomy place of his own now. The little dude has made Kate happier if you can believe it. She does not like his crying, but she loves holding him, talking to him, giving him toys and feeding him, and it seems she is as proud of him as I am when he hits developmental marks. I can tell that he is a part of her now too. I didn't know how much she needed him. Oh and how he melts my heart with the way he looks at her- with total trust and love. A baby's gaze of love is the most spiritual thing I have ever seen. It is that trust I am learning to place in God through this process. We three now walk through the parking lot and I still hold Kate's hand. Our relationship has not weakened. It's strengthened because now I look to her sideways- as a helper, a hug when I need one, someone to laugh with during the day when I have to change a narsty diaper or Jack's screaming about something. Now that Kate and I have endured something hard together, we are stronger for it. And sweet Jack has added so much love to our family. He smiles readily whenever Kate bursts into song- and truth be told Kate distrupts his life much more than he disrupts hers ;). It's now 7am. Naptime yet?